What I've learned the second time around (so far)

I've been thinking about this entry for a while and have finally been able to figure it out enough to write down. I'm already 25 weeks pregnant (in 2 days) and every day I am surprised with the differences between this pregnancy and the last. Other than obviously showing earlier due to the lax muscles, these are some things that I've realized.

I love Evan more than I can possibly describe, and I hope this doesn't come across in a bad way, but I can honestly say that I love this baby in pregnancy more than Evan when I was still pregnant with him. Hear me out. The experience of birth and seeing Evan now be his own person at 19mos old has made me appreciate this new baby's heartbeat at the Doctor's office, or feeling kicks that I get day and night. I know what those heartbeats and kicks turn into now. I always thought I knew, but there is a difference between knowing and understanding those things. I understand and appreciate how much I will care for this little person and so I can say I do love this baby so much already. I only wish I had this insight when I was pregnant with Evan, but I had no idea what it would mean to me. At the time I thought I loved my unborn baby, but was more a feeling of wonderment, awe and just a "neat feeling". I was completely unaware of the incomprehensible love I would end up feeling for that being that had that heartbeat and gave me those kicks. Although I know its still early, I feel like I already love my two kids equally 100%. The first time around Daryl had a hard time feeling the kicks on my belly because they felt "weird, and alien-like", but even he feels differently knowing how much those kicks will be impacting us in such a short period. And I'm also trying to stay positive here, but I feel so heartbroken thinking of those who have lost their children in pregnancy, especially for the second pregnancy or more, (not to take away from the first pregnancy losses) but because you just know SO much more what you've lost.

Ok, but on a lighter note I've had other differences as well. With Evan I craved Granny Smith apples and a lot of healthy fruity foods. This time around it's processed salty or sweet foods and too much junk food cravings that is just NOT good for me or baby. I have a hard time justifying eating that crap, but I just have to cave every once and a while (every day). Veggies are the hardest thing to want to eat and it makes it harder because I'm trying to be a good example to Evan as well now too. I want him to see me eating good foods, but its so hard for me to eat! I'm beginning to get creative.

When I was pregnant with Evan I got a lot of my energy back after the first trimester was over. I was able to still work 12 hr shifts, do housework, garden in my bathing suit up till the day I had him. This time is dramatically different. The first trimester "tiredness" has NOT left. I am constantly tired, and working 3 (sometimes 4) 8hr days a week leaves me exhausted and trying so hard to get in at least one, hopefully two naps a week. Of course this is likely due to having a toddler to chase around the house, feed and keep entertained. It's taking up all the energy I would have left! :P

So I have been thinking about all of this, and I haven't made time to keep this blog up to date. It's been 2 months since I've even put pictures up on facebook! :0 However, we have now successfully finished moving the office downstairs and everything computer related is re-set up (obviously). Evan's new big boy furniture is due to show up in a week and a half and putting that together is my next new project (since the hubby is away). The goal is to have it done as quickly as possible, so that he can be out of his crib for at least 2 1/2 months before baby shows up in June. So thanks to all the readers who do follow this even though I haven't been posting, on the original and facebook versions. I'm hoping to not be such a stranger.